Things You Shouldn't Do When You're Pregnant

Okay, I’ve been getting yelled at from several people because I don’t come on here and update this nearly enough.


To be honest, there isn’t that much to update, so I figured I’d take a little rest before the “real excitement” kicks in and I get to write about how we can’t fit Melissa through the door and other fun things like that.

I do, however, have a few observations that I would think anyone who has ever had a baby, or known anyone who has ever had a baby, or seen a movie about anyone who has ever had a baby would know all too well.

Speaking of movies, Melissa made the No. 1 mistake that expecting mothers who are still early in their pregnancy and thinking how cool it is and just generally overwhelmed by the joy of giving new life should never do. She watched a video of a birth.

Just off the top of my head this sounds akin to someone about to go on a hunger strike looking at picture of Gandhi, late in his life, of course. Or a potential race car driver watching Richard Petty flip his car 8 times and then get T-boned by another car at Daytona. Or a potential astronaut watch repeated video footage of the Challen…nevermind, you get the point.

This is, apparently what expectant mothers do. They can’t just accept that there is pain coming, they have to see what it looks like. The problem is now she has six months to look forward to being the star in that video.

Second, we’ve been calling whatever’s growing inside of her a “blueberry” since the day we found out she was pregnant. Basically, because that’s how big the internet said it was at that time. You can probably refer back to a rant about comparing children to food in an earlier blog, if you want.

Anyway, the blueberry update is that the baby is now the size of an apple (not the ½-pounders at the vegetable stand but, rather, a non-steroid induced, non-mutant apple). It’s supposedly around 4 inches now. Melissa was kind enough to pose for a couple of relevant pictures, just to give you an idea of what the baby looks like now.

Some other interesting facts about this week in Melissa’s body, or As The Stomach Turns, as has been the case is the fact that the baby now weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (pretty paltry apple, if you ask me). It’s busy moving amniotic fluid through the nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in the lungs begin to develop. Its legs are growing longer than its arms now, and it can move all of its joints and limbs. Although the eyelids are still fused shut, the baby can sense light. Which means, if I shine a flashlight at Mel’s tummy, the baby will likely move away from the beam.

That’s right! I’m the proud owner of a new flashlight. 1 million candle power. I don’t just want it turning away from the beam, I want to be able see it’s shadow as it does so on the wall behind Melissa! Okay, not really. But I love the idea of it being light-sensitive this early. Very cool.

This will give you some sort of an idea of what's going on in there. Looks kind of cozy, actually.

http://www.babycenter.com/2_inside-pregnancy-weeks-10-to-14_10308108.bc

According to an email from one of the 193 email update services Melissa gets to let her know what’s going on with her body, she can’t get any tattoos until after the birth. Something about the kid coming out wonkered.

So much for those Labor Day plans…