Boys Don't Ever Want To "Just Talk" (and other sage advice)

It’s never too early to begin thinking of lessons you want to, or hope to, teach your children. Sure, they may be 11 inches long and weigh a whole pound, but there’s never a better time to start your planning.

Plus, I was stuck in the passengers seat of Melissa’s car while she drove erratically up I-95 to Orlando. Oh! And it was easier to think of potential life lessons than picture exactly how high we’re going to careen off the back of that Honda Civic when she finally misjudges and clips the bumper.

So, here are a few things I came up with that I think could be helpful for young Baby R. And, just so they sink in completely, I plan on passing them along to her during both months that she’s old enough to understand what I’m saying and still actually paying some sort of attention to me.

In no particular order…

• Don’t order a hot dog in a seafood place. It’s a seafood place for a reason. Conversely, don’t order seafood in a hot dog place.




Too drunk to walk...


• These are legacy tips, passed from my father to me days before they sent me off to the University of Alabama for the first time: Don’t buy the cereal because of the prize inside; And, if you’re too drunk too walk, you’re too drunk to drive. So don’t.

• If mommy says “No”, ask daddy.
• Don’t mess with people’s hearts and don’t put up with people who mess with yours.
• Boys don’t ever want to “just talk”.
• There is truth in Jimmy Buffett music.
• Regardless of what Grandma says, do NOT take Ziploc bags in your purse to all-you-can-eat buffets.
• Tip well.



Problem solved!

• Sitting on the beach, on a nice, fuzzy blanket and simply staring at the ocean can solve most problems.

• There are two 12:15’s every day. Nothing good ever happens between the first one and sunrise.
• Key West is cool. Islamorada is cooler.
• Travel every chance you get. Go far. Stay long. (Not too long, daddy will miss you).
• BBQ is always better from the guy on the side of the road, cooking in a cut-away 55-gallon drum.
• Dale Earnhardt is the best racecar driver of all-time, no matter what those Jimmie Johnson fans try to tell you.



I hope she saved the receipt


• Panties should not resemble slingshots. If they do, return them and buy some with a wasteband.

• Don’t ride the cats.
• Fishing with daddy is cool no matter what your friends say.
• Karma is a real thing. Stay on the good side.
• Don’t drive and text.
• Learn another language.
• Walk out the same door you walked in. It’s called “sneaking out the back door” for a reason and, if you feel the need to do that, you shouldn’t have done whatever you did.
• Don’t make fun of people who are talking to themselves. They may be the smartest people around and have to talk to themselves because they are the only ones who can understand what they’re trying to say.
• Spontaneity is important. Even if it’s planned.



Okay, they make them for adults, but you look like the this.


• Enjoy feety pajamas while you can…they don’t make them for adults.



• Don’t tackle snowmen. They may be built around a stump.
• There is nothing wrong with being the smartest person in the room. Just don’t flaunt it. If you’re really that smart, they’ll figure it out eventually.
• You are free to pick out your own clothes…right up until the first night you go out with a boy. Then it’s my turn.
• There is beauty in a baseball game.
• Daddy is always right.