Fruit Update: She's a Banana

We've reached the 20-week mark, which means Melissa is halfway through. And she’s only cried 1,296 times. So, we’re right on target.

Hormones are raging. Unfortunately, they’re not raging in a teenaged, make-out-behind-every-door kind of way. It’s more of an I’m-not-gonna-let-Mike-sleep-because-I’m-reall-emotional kind of way. Because she’s crazy.

But it’s normal and to be expected. I know because I checked with every other person I know who’s pregnant right now and they confirmed that it is indeed normal and she is right on track. In the interest of fair reporting, I checked with all their husbands, too, but none of them could answer me because they were all trying to catch up on some sleep while their wives talked to me.

All in all, Melissa is hanging in quite nicely. She’s got those jeans with the stretchy waist bands and big fluffy shirts, so she looks pregnant, even if she’s successfully covering up her pregnancy. Apparently that’s what pregnant women do.

The baby is rolling right along as well. According to all the people who know these things, she’s the size of a banana. And, since we’re in the 20^th week, we get to start measuring her from head to toe, as opposed to crown to rump. That’s because she’s starting to stretch out her legs, which is confirmed by the occasional “Oooooo, ouch” from Melissa when baby stretches out her legs too much. So, head to toe! Crown to rump is so 19 weeks.

Some more cool 20-week baby things: She’s starting to swallow now and figuring out what her digestive tract is for. I know most of the 3 people who read this blog don’t have ultrasound machines at home, so if you want an idea of how this looks, pick up a banana and pretend it’s swallowing for the first time. And kicking its legs.

What a banana kicking its legs might look like

She is also beginning to accumulate a black gooey substance in her bowels, which will greet Dear Melissa when she changes the first couple of diapers. I could go real in depth on this, but I think I won’t. Just be glad you won’t be here for the first couple of diapers. I’ll take pictures though and send them on my phone. Did I mention it was Melissa changing those first couple diapers?

All the information you read on the internet and your iPhone and your Blackberry say the mother should have gained about 10 pounds by

now. So we’ll, ahem, go with that. Yes! Melissa has gained, um, 10 pounds so far.

Saved by a hamburger IV!! Thank God!

For the record, on the internet, I also found stories about UFO’s landing in London, a special hamburger drip feed that saved the world’s fattest man, a story about four-foot high speed bumps which solve inner city traffic problems and something about the University of Florida having a football team this season. So, obviously, we can believe EVERYTHING we read on the internet. 10 pounds.

Halfway through and, so far, it’s been very cool. We’ve gone from a blueberry to a banana (passing an entire vegetable section in the meantime), passed morning sickness, heard the heartbeat for the first time, saw the first kick and learned many lessons on what foods give pregnant people heartburn.

What more could you ask for?